17.10.14

Walking Away From Self Doubt



My life journey over the last few years have been wonderful, adventurous, experiencing new feelings and emotions in me and other people.

I had an effortless way about things when it came to making life decisions. I knew I had to study mass communication. Thats where I learnt and was interested in advertising. Got into advertising quite effortlessly. In fact got into one of the biggest firms. Life was challenging and hectic but fun in advertising. I never thought of leaving it. Worse, is that I believed, that I was there because thats where I belonged. For a good long 9 years the belief grew in me. 

Then I got married to M. I was reluctant to leave 'all that' (read - my comfort zone) and fly 1000s of miles away to an unknown land. Finding a job wasn't as easy as I thought, and then started a burst of emotions. I am still dealing with them, still trying to find "me". Still think of all the decisions I have made so far, keep finding loopholes. But throughout the process, one thought has sprung me back and that is, 'everything happens for a reason. A good reason'

If I start looking around or even at my own life, with this thought, I start seeing things in a different perspective, like because of this change what are the good things that has happened. I have traveled more, as now I am free to do so, instead of having an unpredictable schedule like earlier. I have time and more time to do things for myself and things I like to do, like blogging. And more importantly I have started thinking ME as an individual and not the advertising person who happens to have a name and works in 'some large firm'. Today I am Me and Thats the truth. 

Today I have more courage to express myself, with no fear of losing. I have nothing to lose anymore. It made me feel naked initially, vulnerable. Today I find it liberating. I speak louder, to hear my voice clearly. What others are thinking? I don't know. I do care though. I am not made of stone. I can't be creative and fluid if I am. But sometimes its good to hear people react. That means my life has movement. That means I am alive.

When I look back I feel that perhaps, this is more important. May be there is something bigger than what I had imagined. And may be breakthroughs happen after the biggest struggles, the Self- struggle.

"Because of you I can feel myself slowly but surely becoming the me I have always dreamt of being" 
- Tyler Knott Gregson


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